Psycho-Cybernetics and the Three Keys To Success

While many books have been written about how changing the way you think can transform your results, I believe one stands above all the others.

That book is Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz.

It may have a crazy name and it may lack the jazzy marketing of more recent publications.

But his ideas have been repackaged by others and now form the basis of expensive coaching and training programs under different names.

The truth is many people could have saved a lot of time and money by reading this book – and of course implementing his ideas.

In my own experience, I feel I could have saved myself the weeks of time and thousands of dollars I spent learning NLP, hypnosis and other aspects of personal development if only I’d read this book first.

Though clearly I’ve learned a lot from the other sources, I feel Psycho-Cybernetics summarizes and explains the mental aspects of success better than anything else I’ve seen.

One of the factors that makes Maltz stand out is the combination of his expertise in medical matters with a deep understanding of real human psychology.

Maltz was a plastic surgeon who puzzled over why some of clients with physiological disfigurements immediately felt better after plastic surgery, while others continued to have psychological problems despite the physical problem being taken away.

Everyone has their own take on a book. But I thought it was worth sharing some of the key points as I saw them.

1. We get what we focus on

The word cybernetics comes from the Greek word meaning the ‘steersman’.

The key to psycho-cybernetics is that the brain steOn Top of the Worlders us towards a specific outcome based on what we think about and how we react to feedback from the world around us.

This is an inbuilt servo-mechanism which can operate as an automatic success mechanism or as a failure mechanism – depending on where we put our attention.

The automatic mechanism depends on regular feedback to keep it on course.

The mechanism therefore works best if we give it a clear direction by setting specific goals.

Without a clear sense of direction, it will not operate effectively.

2. Self image determines success

While what we focus on is important, our success in getting there is determined by our self-image.

But the reality is that how we feel about ourselves is based on what we think others think – not what they actually think.

Our self-image is vital as it controls what we are capable of and it imposes limits on our achievement that are usually artificial.

What happens is that we magnify non-existent or unimportant flaws in our imagination and we literally hypnotize ourselves to be unsuccessful.

What we need to do instead is take control of our own self-image and learn to become successful.

We need to learn to look at the facts in a situation rather than what we believe to be true. For example, if you think everyone is laughing at you when you are speaking, how do you know that to be true?

We need to learn to use feedback to make small adjustments in our forward progress rather than using it to hold us back from success.

In fact, we often hold ourselves back from future progress by spending too much time focused on events from the past that we cannot change.

To succeed in the future, we have to learn to stop giving power to the past.

3. We create the future we imagine

The principle here is that we tend to focus all our attention and worry on what could go wrong in a situation.

But the fact is our minds cannot tell the difference between imagined outcomes and real outcomes.

So future success exists in our mind before it becomes real. The same applies to failure.

We have to learn to put the same energy and thought into imagining a positive outcome that we currently do into imagining a negative one.

We need to learn how to ‘worry’ about success by thinking about it all the time – rather than worrying about failurePsycho-cybernetics.

The truth is fear, worry, anxiety and lack of confidence exist in our imagination of the future. They are not real events based on fact.

So the secret is to spend time focusing our minds on the positive outcome. In Psycho-cybernetics, Maltz suggests that the way to do this is by setting aside time to run Mental Movies where you actively picture a positive outcome.

Instead of focusing your attention on worrying about what might go wrong, take time to actively picture what it will be like getting the outcome you want.

Picture the outcome you want happening consistently – whether it’s applause at the end of a presentation, getting the order from a sales call, getting compliments for your work or winning that tennis match.

You have to make it exist in your mind before you bring it into reality.

The key to success in any area of life is learning to run positive mental movies.

Obviously some of these ideas appear in other books. But what I like about this one is that it seems to cover every angle, it is based on real case studies from Maltz’s time as a surgeon working on people’s physical scars, and it provides specific actions you can follow to apply his recommendations.

Incidentally I particularly recommend the updated version edited by Dan Kennedy.

How Your Values Stop You Getting What You Want

Understanding values is one of the most powerful keys to getting what you want and communicating effectively with others.

We may think of values as being the moral code which we live by and therefore don’t think too much about them.

But, in fact, values are very powerful in all areas of our lives.

Our values:

  • Motivate us
  • Help us decide whether to take a particular course of action
  • Determine how we feel about something afterward

So our values can drive us to success or prevent us reaching it.

Our values help us to decide what to buy and then guide us when to feel good about something and when to feel bad.

So we can get better results in our lives by understanding our own values.

But we can also be more effective in communicating or marketing to others if we take the time to understand their values.

Our values can drive us to success or prevent us reaching it

Our values are formed in the early years of our lives – heavily influenced by the people around us at that time – our parents, our friends and our teachers.

They will also be significantly affected by where we grew up, what the economic conditions of the time were and by our ‘heroes’ from the worlds of sport, cinema and television.

As everyone is subject to different influences, everyone develops their own values. We are all motivated by different things, have different desires and feel differently about the same situation.

How your values hold you back

In order to achieve a goal or vision, it must be in alignment with your personal values. If you think of yourself as a sailboat, your values are like the wind that can help or hinder you in getting to your destination.

If the values (or the wind) are blowing in the right direction, it’s incredibly supportive. On the other hand, if where you’re trying to get isn’t in alignment with your values, it’s like the wind blowing in the wrong direction. It will take you completely off course.

So it’s useful to know what your values really are in different areas of your life so that you know what really drives you.takingsteps

To understand your values in your business life, for example, start off by answering the question:

“What’s important to you about your business?”

You can use exactly the same process to understand your values in relation to other areas of your life.

So if you are focused on your health and fitness, ask: “What’s important to you about health and fitness?”

Very often, values are quite unconscious, so they don’t come to your mind immediately. So it’s important to keep asking this question until you ‘dry up’. And even after you dry up, go back to the beginning of the process and start again with the question.

Something like satisfaction is a value; reward is a value. These are words ‘frozen’ in time, and have a specific meaning that is motivating to you in the context of that area of your life. And what’s important is what the word means to you – the same word may have a different meaning to someone else.

Once you’ve come up with a list of your values, rank them in order of their importance to you.

Start with whatever is most important. What is the one thing in that area of your life that you couldn’t live without? Work through that process. You don’t need to go all the way down if you’ve got a very long list. Stick to the first eight or so.

Check the list and see if it really describes what is important to you and how you are motivated.  If you’re not happy that the list is accurate for you, keep rewriting it until you are satisfied.

Now that you know the values in this area of your life, you’ll be able to ensure that they are supporting you in your goals.

If you find you are doing something that doesn’t align with your values, it’s usually easier to do something different – rather than try to change your values.

How to use values to influence others

Understanding values is also very important in marketing.

If you sell cars, for example, you need to know whether your potential customer puts more store by speed or by safety.  Of course they might want both but the key is understanding that values are ranked in a hierarchy with the most important at the top.

Customers will be happiest – and most likely to buy – when something meets their highest ranked value.

Values in all areas of our life are built up using the same process. Most are established before the age of nine or ten and are often instilled before the age of five.

Those values are the things that influence the buying decisions and life choices that people make 20, 30 or 40 years later.

If you take the trouble to discover what is important to others, you’ll find it easier to communicate with them and sell to them.

You have more chance of selling your products if they satisfy what is important for your customers – in other words match their values.

Values in this context are sometimes also known as criteria.

There are some very simple questions that allow you to uncover another person’s values instantly.

Generally speaking, you want two or three main pieces of information.

Q1) What is most important to you in buying (a car)?
Your prospect or customer will tell you what is most important. This may be one word like “speed” or “service” or it may be a long detailed explanation covering many different things.

Let’s imagine, the person has responded with “service”.

Your next question seeks to find out more about this.  Depending on the situation, it could be either of the following.

Q2) How do you know when you have ‘service’?  or Why is ‘service’ important to you?
The answer to this question will help you understand the value in more detail.

Depending on the information you have been given, you may want to ask a further question to get a full picture of what is important to them.

So you could ask a further question.

Q3) What else is important to you in buying (a car)?
At this point you would need to go back through the process by asking question 2.

That’s all there is to eliciting values.  The secret is in making use of the information.

If you can meet their highest value and demonstrate that to them, your chances of them buying from you are hugely increased.

For example, in the above situation, you could say something like: “If you can be certain that this car has the best service record, would you be happy to own it?” Do you think you are half way to a sale?  Of course you are.

Without that information, you might have been tempted to say “If I can show you that this car is the fastest on the market, would you be interested?”

Now that approach might work with some customers but not this one.

One of the key secrets of values is that they tell you the difference between your customers.

So understanding your own values and the values of others can help you get what you want and can help you give others what they want.

How Your Ego Can Help You Get Your Goals

Do you find it hard to reach your goals?

Are you consistently giving up on your goals and then feeling a failure for doing so?aim-for-success

Well, it’s time to buck the trend and finally reach your goals.

I’ve just read a great description by psychology expert  Steven Aitchison of what goes on inside our minds when we are setting and seeking our goals.

You may have heard the terms, Id, Ego and Super Ego. These were terms coined by Sigmund Freud as part of his theory of the personality.

  • The Id is the part of you that craves pleasure and the basic desires in life. When it gets the basics it moves on to other pleasure seeking thrills.
  • The Super-Ego will give you all the reasons why it will or won’t work. It will look at the successes and failings of your past and correlate it with your current goals.
  • The Ego is the go between for the Id and the Super-Ego trying to satisfy both of them with reasoning and acts like the mother/father figure.

So your aim is to satisfy all 3 parts of the personality. How do you do this?

Here are 3 ways Steven suggests to reach your goals quicker:

  1. Play to your strengths: This allows less chance for doubts to creep into your mind.
  2. Smaller goals for larger gains: Make your goals something that will be easily achievable at first.
  3. Communicate your goals on different levels: When you set yourself a goal, make sure to communicate to your mind on different levels such as visualisation, writing it down and listening to interviews of people who have already achieved the goal.

All of this helps to entrain your brain into thinking about success and directly communicates with the Super-Ego to appease it and make it believe you can achieve your goals. In essence, you are giving yourself evidence that your goals can be achieved.

Read Steven’s full article on goal setting

Video Secrets of the Four Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss

In his best-seller “the Four Hour Work Week”, Tim Ferriss shares some of the secrets of working less and enjoying life more.

In the short video below, he shares some of the key secrets of freeing up your time.

These include:

1. Process of Elimination
This is based on Pareto’s 80/20 principle. To make this work you have to find which 20% of activities generate 80% of your desired results or which 20% of people consume 80% of your time. If you apply this principle to everything, you will be able to find your:
– Inefficiencies and eliminate them.
– Strengths and critical tasks you should focus on

He argues that a traditional fixed daily timetable has no value in the modern world and is a legacy of an obsolete way of working.

In the knowledge economy, we should aim to move from ‘presence to performance’.

If you cut out the things that swallow your time without making any contribution, you’ll find that very few things matter.

2. Cultivating Selective Ignorance

To make the most of our time, we need to be on a ‘low information’ diet. Trying to keep abreast of all developments will ensure most of your time is spent in input and not enough will go into output. And you can’t possible digest all that information.

A more effective approach is to catch up when necessary rather than to keep up. The secret is to let things wait.

He describes email as ‘the single largest acceptable interruption in modern life.” It allows us to “simulate forward motion without actually achieving anything.”

The way to deal with email, he argues, is to check it twice a day and focus your time instead on critical tasks.

3. Outsource Your Life
You need to replace the concept of annual income with hourly income. In practice this means hiring virtual assistants to help you with everything as the costs of paying people is often less than the value of the time we give up for many routine tasks.

The overall point is that if you want to set yourself up to win, you should set your own rules rather than following those set by others based on an outdated way of thinking.

Being Understood: How to Communicate the Message You Want Every Time

If you want to get your message across to anybody – whether in writing or in person – there are two things you must bear in mind.

  • The first is that you are totally responsible for how the other person understands what you say.
  • Secondly you should concentrate on what people DO in response to your message – not what they SAY.

The secret of being understood
Think about how easy it is for communication to be misunderstood.

Two sides of a conversation can easily read something entirely different into exactly the same words.

How often have you heard someone say ‘that’s not what I said’?

communicateConversations between partners in a relationship often present the best – or perhaps that should be the worst – examples.

A husband meeting his wife after she has been to the hairdresser might think he is offering her a compliment when he tells her that her hair looks great.

He might be shocked if she greets him with a response of ‘what was wrong with it before?’

In pure communication terms, the woman took this comment as an insult and it therefore WAS an insult even though her husband intended it as a compliment.

The failure of communication was entirely the man’s responsibility as he has to be in charge of the result of what he says. (I’m not suggesting here that men are always at fault for communication breakdowns – this is just an example!)

In business, people may respond differently but they are just as likely to hear something different from what you think you said.

If you’re not getting the response that you want, it’s not your customer’s or audience’s fault. You’ve got to change your communication. It’s as simple as that.

And, of course, sometimes a truly flexible communicator has to change the substance of their message, not just the delivery, if they want it to be successful.

Why actions really do speak louder than words
You can have the most beautiful ideas and put them across very eloquently but if, at the end of the day, it doesn’t change someone’s mind or behavior, then it’s usually pointless.

That’s where it’s important to remember that it’s what the other person does that matters.

And sometimes you need to read their responses carefully to ensure you understand clearly how they are interpreting what you say.

People will often say the right thing just to be polite so you have to read their body language and facial expressions as well as listening to their words.

The most successful communicators work on developing their sensory acuity, which is their ability to recognize small behaviors in people – such as facial expressions – which give away what they really think.

One example of this principle in business is where you carry out research or ask for feedback from customers and they tell you something. In reality, they’ll then go off and do something entirely different. What they do is more important than what they say.

It’s been said that if Edison had asked the market for feedback, he would have created bigger candle instead of a light bulb!

So seek feedback but interpret it carefully and stay focused on your objective.

The more you pay attention to your audience, the more chance you have of getting them to hear the message you want.

Why Failure is the Most Important Factor in Success

It can be frustrating and costly when things don’t go the way you want them to.

Because, when you set out to do something, there’s no guarantee that the result you’ll get is the result that you want.

However, you will always get a result or outcome of some kind.

So, when you’re not getting the response that you want, the important thing to recognize is that you need to do something differently.

It’s amazing how often people keep doing the same thing, even when it doesn’t give them what they want.

But equally you’ll never know what you need to do differently until you try doing something.

If you want to be a top performer, you’ve got to take every opportunity to get feedback from others and adapt what you’re doing according to that feedback.

So one of the most important beliefs you can have is that ‘there is no such thing as failure’.

There is always something to learn from whatever outcome you get.  Many of the great achievements and discoveries in history have happened because the people behind them were willing to get it wrong many times before they finally got it right.

One of the best-known examples of this is the commitment Thomas Edison put into making the electric light bulb viable. He didn’t actually invent it but his work did make commercial production possible.

Of the months he spent trying ideas that didn’t work he said:

“I haven’t failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

Edison’s attitude was each of these attempts was a necessary step on the way to getting what he wanted. A lesser person would have given up but he believed in what he was doing and kept on responding to the feedback he was getting until he finally got his desired result.

That’s the kind of attitude you need in order to be successful in business.

Successful business people listen carefully to the response they are getting all the time and then alightbulbdapt what they are doing to ensure they get a different result.  It is not for nothing that they say ‘feedback is the breakfast of champions.’

You should never think, “I failed.” When you get a different result to what you wanted, you should think, “Great, I’ve learned something new! What can I do to make progress?”

The power of feedback
In business, another way to look at feedback is as a testing mechanism.  Even when you feel that a communication has been successful, you should consider whether another approach might have been even more successful.

In fact, if you are considering making any sort of major change or investment, it is essential to get this kind of feedback before you commit yourself to it too deeply.

Feedback only works, however, if you look for it.  In face-to-face communication, for example, that means you not only have to listen to what people say but you have to carefully watch their body language and facial expressions.

Arguably listening is the most overlooked skill in communication.  The old adage that we have two eyes, two ears and one mouth and that we should use them in that proportion has a great deal to commend it.  Yet so many people are inclined to speak first.

In his autobiography, Benjamin Franklin comments:

“In conversation, knowledge is obtained rather by the use of the ears than of the tongue”

His success in a wide range of fields from electricity to publishing and politics suggests he knew a thing or two about knowledge.

Overall, the more willing you are to adapt what you are doing in response to feedback – the greater chance you have of success.

The key point is that when you accept there is no such thing as failure, it removes the excuse for procrastination and perfectionism, which hold many people back from action.

So, to move faster towards the success that you want, consider these two questions:

  • What one thing can you do in the next 24 hours to move you closer to the goal you want?
  • How will you know whether it was successful or if you need to do something different?

How the NLP Skill of Chunking Can Help You Get What You Want

Although most of us have goals and dreams, why do so few people succeed in achieving what they really want?

The problem for many is that, when they set a big objective, they can be put off by the scale of the task.

But as the Chinese philosopher Confucius said:

‘A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.’

The problem for many people is that the whole thousand miles seems intimidating but the first step can also seem unsatisfying.

So they never get started.

This is true in business as well. Your journey to a hundred customers begins with the first sale and your journey to a million dollars in the bank begins with your first thousand.

But most of us begin by looking too far ahead. The secret is to find a way of taking that first step quickly.

One of the ways in which we can categorize people according to how they think is through their preferred ‘chunk size’. This reflects whether they like to look at the detail of all the individual steps or just the big picture of the total journey.

takingstepsThe problem is that both types of people can have difficulty in reaching their destination. They might lose focus by getting bogged down in the detail or else they never take any action because they don’t identify the steps required.

The NLP process called ‘chunking’ helps both types of people – and the truth is most of us have elements of one or the other.

The secret of taking action is making the steps small enough to be manageable and large enough to be satisfying.

Fortunately the process is quite simple when you have a system to follow and it is useful in a wide range of situations from time management to writing a presentation.

We can use the concept of chunking in two ways. We can:

  • Become more specific and get more detail.
  • Become more general and get a bigger picture.

Using chunking to become more specific

If we are talking about cars, for example, we can become more specific by talking about makes of car such as Ford or BMW.

We can then become more specific still by going down to brands or models from each manufacturer.

The secret of making this work is asking the right questions. In the car situation, we might ask ‘what are some examples of this?’

This can be represented visually, for example, using a mind-mapping approach where each idea is broken down into further segments.

If you are developing an action plan, you might ask ‘what specifically do I need to do to achieve this?’

Or in writing a presentation, you might ask ‘What information supports this point?’

Here’s another view on using chunking for planning.

Although this seems very simple, it is extremely useful in a wide range of situations.

Using chunking to become more general
Chunking also helps us to become more general – in the cars example, we would move towards other types of road transport and then other types of transport and finally up to something very general like ‘movement’.

Again the secret is in the questions you ask. In this example, it would have been: ‘What is this an example of?’ or ‘What is the purpose of this?’

One way in which chunking to become more general is useful is where you have a large to-do list and you want to organize it into categories or chunks that can be combined.

For each task on your list, you would ask ‘what does this task achieve?’ or ‘which category does it fall into?’

Check out this article by Adam Eason for more suggestions.

Chunking can therefore help you take the steps you need to get what you want.

The Surprising Reason You Always Get What You Want

Perhaps it’s surprising but the truth is that, whenever you set out to do something, you’ll almost always get what you want…

You will always end up with one of two things:

  1. The result you wanted.
  2. An excuse for why you haven’t got it.

On Top of the WorldPeople who come up with reasons or excuses for something not happening usually see themselves as not having any control over the outcome.

They always have a reason why they are not as successful as they want to be…

  • ‘I just need to finish off my brochure, my book, my website.’
  • ‘I’m not a natural salesperson.’
  • ‘I don’t have enough time.’
  • ‘There’s too much competition.’

Successful people on the other hand accept responsibility for whatever situation they are in and seek to change it.

The truth is that, in most situations in life, you can either choose to be ‘at cause’ or ‘at effect’.

  • If you are ‘in command’ of the situation – either because you make it happen, or at least you take responsibility for your view of what happens – you’re ‘at cause’.
  • If things ‘happen’ to you or you feel at the mercy of events, you’re ‘at effect’.

If you want to be successful, you need to be ‘at cause’ for everything that happens. That’s the best way you’ll get results.

It’s only by realizing that you are in control of everything that happens in your life (or at least your reaction to what happens) that you get the results you want to achieve.

Most people choose to live their lives getting more of one than the other.

The decision you need to make is whether to be one of the people who gets results or one who has many excuses for not getting them.

The good news is that whichever one you choose, you will be right – as you will always get what you want:

  • If you choose excuses, you’ll be able to say ‘I told you so.’
  • If you choose results, you will get them one way or the other.

The reality is that most people prefer excuses.

So, if you’re not getting the results you want, and you hear yourself coming up with excuses or reasons, try the following process to get yourself ‘at cause’:

  • Write down your ‘reasons’ or ‘excuses’ for not being where you want to be.
  • Look at each of these reasons from an attitude of being ‘at cause’, so that you’re taking 100% responsibility for them.
  • Challenge your reasons. What can you do differently to get results?

If you focus on getting results, you will believe in your own power to change things.  People who are successful act as though they don’t believe the excuses.  They believe in their own power to make a difference.

If you believe in results, you realize that you have the power to make a difference.

So, if you’re not getting the results that you want, it’s time to let go of your excuses and start getting what you really want.

The Power of Focus in Getting What You Want

One of the keys to success in any area of life is being able to focus all your efforts on getting exactly what you want.

If you’re in sport, it’s easy to motivate yourself towards winning a championship or winning a medal.

In business, the goals are not always so obvious but the secret of success is knowing what you want and committing to it 100%.

It’s lack of clear focus that leads so many people to be easily distracted by new ideas or ‘opportunities’ that come their way and end up unsatisfied with the results.

When you have a clear vision, you know where your business is going. So, it becomes easy to make decisions as you concentrate your activities and resources on that outcome.

The ability to focus your efforts is one of the key points that separates successful business owners from the rest.

  • Unsuccessful business owners are like light bulbs. They disperse energy in many different directi
    ons at onlightbulbce. They’re opportunists – always looking for easy ways to make money because they don’t have a long-term plan. They spending too much time evaluating new opportunities and not enough taking action.
  • Successful business owners are more like lasers, focusing all their energy on a single outcome with very powerful results. They are strategic and know where their business is going so they can identify opportunities that will help them get there.

The great advantage of knowing what you want is that the power of the mind will help you get it.

Within your mind at an unconscious level is something called the Reticular Activating System.

According to some descriptions, this is almost like your own personal search engine which automatically picks up ideas and opportunities to help you move toward that goal. It is the Reticular Activating System that is said to help you notice which of the millions of bits of information coming at you every second are the ones that will help you get what you want.

Another way of looking at this was described by Robert Anton Wilson in his book Prometheus Rising, where he talks about how ‘the thinker thinks, the prover proves.’ Essentially, Prometheus Risingyour mind is split into two parts:

  • The ‘thinker‘ has total freedom and can think anything.
  • The ‘prover‘ will find evidence for it.

So, if you’re focused on where you’re going – and believe you will get there – then the ‘prover’ will find ways of supporting you and helping you toward your objective.

But if you have no clear sense of direction or you have doubts about your abilities, your ‘prover’ will come up with evidence that you are right.

Imagine you are a golfer on the last hole of a major championship. If you want to win, you want to be thinking ‘I’m going to hole this’ rather than ‘I don’t want to miss it’.

Keep your focus 100% on what you want rather than on what you don’t want. Either way, you might just get what you’re focusing on.

Focus has been described as Following One Course Until Successful.

So, if you’re not sure what you’re focusing on now, just check your results. If you’re not getting the results that you want, perhaps you need to change your focus.

Here are some points to think about if you want to improve your focus:

  • What is the single most important outcome you are focused on achieving this week?
  • What are the three biggest outcomes you are focused on achieving this year?
  • What activities are you doing or what thoughts are you having that distract you from these objectives?
  • Can you change these thoughts or stop these actions?

So one of the power beliefs of business success is the importance of focus.

Getting What You Want: The One Thing You Need

In this modern age of instant gratification, it’s difficult to wait for something you want, isn’t it?

We’re used to moving at a fast pace and having our needs met immediately.

Moving through a process of growth and development seems to take forever.

We want to reach our goals now, not later. We want to be successful now, not later. We don’t care how we’ll feel later, we care about how we feel now!

So sometimes, on the road to success, the one thing we need a little more of is patience!

The important thing to understand about patience is that it’s all in your head. It’s only your perception of lack in this moment that keeps you feeling impatient!

‘Lack’ is an uncomfortable feeling, so you feel a sense of urgency to eliminate it. You want to hurry and satisfy your need so the feeling of lack will disappear.

But it’s not the lack that actually makes you feel uncomfortable – it’s the belief that you need ‘something’ to make you feel whole and complete and happy.

In this case, achieving your goals and becoming successful will make you feel happy, so you naturally want it to happen immediately.

Since it is virtually impossible to snap your fingers and change your circumstances just like that, allow me to offer some other suggestions for easing your sense of lack:

aim-for-successSet reasonable expectations

Your expectations can often get you in trouble by setting you up for disappointment. Even though you know it’s not likely that you’ll achieve your goals without investing some time and effort into the process, you still have a secret expectation that you’ll see results very quickly.

When it doesn’t happen, you feel let down and angry. Don’t do that to yourself!

Instead, lower your expectations a bit. Rather than expecting overnight miracles, expect to keep making steady progress.

Rather than expecting to transform yourself into a different person right away, expect to feel more and more confident each day.

If you pay more attention to the progress you’re making than the progress you’re not making, you’ll find yourself feeling much more positive and self-assured.

Celebrate small victories

If you focus ONLY on the big goal at the finish line, you will miss out on many moments of joy and satisfaction between now and then.

Make a point of celebrating the small victories you achieve on a daily basis.

Did you face a fear and take action anyway? Did you set aside time to work on your goals? Have you been working consistently on building a more positive outlook?

Feel good about it! Allow yourself to feel a sense of accomplishment about even the smallest forward strides.

Enjoy the process

Imagine taking a trip around tbig-smilehe world and keeping your eyes closed the entire time. What would you miss? What would be the point of taking a trip like that in the first place if you didn’t bother to take in the beauty around you?

Yet, that’s exactly what many of us do on the journey of life. We keep our eyes fixed on our destination and miss out on the journey itself.

Instead, make an effort to enjoy the process of growth. Enjoy the sensation of becoming the perso
n you were meant to be.

Enjoy every step you take and the final step of your journey will be that much sweeter.

Patience can serve you in many other ways too, but most importantly it can make your journey to success much more enjoyable.

It’s worth the effort, don’t you think?